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Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Oprah's Favorite Things 2004 How does one get on the list for the show? I want her to be my santa one year!
Dooney & Bourke Leather Duffle Bag
1-800-347-5000; www.dooney.com
Miraval Resort and Spa—Life in Balance
1-800-232-3969; www.miravalresort.com
Orbitz
1-888-656-4546; www.orbitz.com
Dell™ 30" Wide-Screen LCD TV
1-800-BUY-DELL; www.dell.com/oprah
Eileen Fisher Hooded Waffle-Weave Merino Stretch Zip Cardigan and Merino Stretch Drawstring Pant
Available at Eileen Fisher stores, or by phone and online. 1-800-eileen2; www.eileenfisher.com
Maytag® Neptune® Top-Load Washer and Drying Center
1-800-688-9900; www.maytag.com
Lollia Lifestyle Collection Hand Cream and Foaming Bubble Bath
In Breathe and Relax fragrances. 1-888-8LOLLIA; www.lollialife.com. Also available at Kokopelli: 1-630-325-1996; kokopellihinsdale.com. And at Anthropologie and Bloomingdale's stores nationwide.
Hand-Blown Crystal Champagne Glasses by Deborah Ehrlich
Available at Takashimaya New York: 1-800-753-2038.
Quilted Jacket and Cashmere Scarf by Burberry
Available at Burberry stores nationwide. www.burberry.com
Apple Bottom Jeans by Nelly
1-800-637-9594; www.applebottoms.com
Museum Automatic Arté Watch by Movado
1-888-4MOVADO; www.movado.com
Bourjois Lip Products
Silk wrap case, which includes one crystal lipstick case, one lip brush, 10 lipsticks, 4 lip glosses and 2 lip liners. www.bourjois.com and www.sephora.com
Gourmet Florida Key Lime Bundt Cake
We Take The Cake: 1-888-901-CAKE (2253); www.wetakethecake.com (You'll find the bundt cake by clicking on Mail-Order.)
Italian Water Garden Tea Service
Available for purchase at Room with a View: 1-800-410-9175; www.roomview.com. For other stores near you, please check the VIETRI website: www.vietri.com.
SpecialTeas Fine Tea Gift Certificate
1-888-enjoy-tea (365-6983); www.specialteas.com
Williams-Sonoma Home Bedding
1-888-922-4110; www.wshome.com
The Magellan® RoadMate™ 700
Thales Navigation: 1-800-669-4477; www.magellangps.com
Dell™ Pocket DJ™
www.dell.com/oprah; 1-800-BUY-DELL
Sony VAIO® S260 Notebook computer
Available at Sony stores or by calling 1-877-865-SONY; www.sonystyle.com
OfficeMax Gift Certificate
1-877-OFFICEMAX; www.OfficeMax.com
BeBe Winans' My Christmas Prayer & Starbucks Gift Card
Available at Starbucks locations in the U.S. and Canada, while supplies last.
www.oprah.com
Monday, November 22, 2004
More Greedy Black People
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Harrington and Grad School The spring after the horrible Christmas episode, Harrington decided to get his masters in business administration. He signed up for the weekend graduate school designed specifically for working professionals. Intense school on the weekends and it lasted for about 2.5 years.
After the holidays Harrington said he wanted to take a little break. I asked what that meant as it seemed we really did not have a strong relationship anyway. He said that he wanted the opportunity to maybe go out with others....just on some dates...nothing serious and no sleeping with anyone. He wanted time to figure out where our relationship was going. Sounded like a good move. Doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder? We set some rules for both of us.
We could go out on fairly platonic dates if we wanted but there was to be no sleeping with anyone else. If we really liked the date and felt that that person was someone we wanted to sleep with, we were to let the other know that we wanted out of the relationship for good. Harrington was in school all weekends so our time was limited to weeknights. He would come over to my house or I would go over to his house 2 times a week. We would still go out if we could and on Sunday nights we would go out to jazz clubs.
I was miserable but what could I do. I have never been one to run after a man. Maybe that is my problem. I do not know. Seems I can only have one for a short while. Noone ever stays for long. I did not initiate this arrangement, this break, this whatever the hell it was. I was interested in what he was doing in school. I even wanted to go up and tour the campus with him one weekend. I asekd to do that but the answer was no. So...noone he was associating with in grad school and that new circle of friends knew about me. I felt he was slipping away but there was nothing I could do.
I realize that most men are lying bastards but never has it been proven to me with so much bravado in all my years of dating. That lesson comes back to me over and over again. As if I had not learned it enough already.
He had a few papers to write and Harrington was not computer literate. At that time computers were not as common place as they are now. He had a computer and I offered on more than one occassion to type for him. I was the manager of a rehabilitation facility at that time and had access to my own computers at work and home. Harrington declined my offer. He said that he would get his office help to type. Other times he said a friend who was a typist would do it for him. Okay! All those things were valid and someone was typing for him. I was not
sure who it was exactly. Well on another occassion he mentioned that he had a paper to type. I offered again and was rejected. This time he said I would not know how.
Now the muddy waters were clearing. He thought that my youth meant I did not know anything... I was dumb. With that statement, other past statements that were said to me hit home. He really did not think that I was as smart as him , if not smarter. God damn him! I was smarter. I had 4 years of college just like he did. I had a professional job, I was a social worker and therapist in the medical field. God knows I had a good education. In addition to keep current, I had to take continuing education and I was signed up for graduate school at Duke University. This was a sista' with skills and an education. I think that in all his years of dating since his divorce, he had dated a lot of younger women and maybe they all did not have the skills I had. Maybe he felt that anyone younger than him was not on his level. Little did he know that he was not on mine.
As it turmed out when he had that last paper completed, I asked to see it. Standard typing. Nothing fancy. I asked who typed it and if it was someone he was dating. He said it was. I let him have it. I could have certainly typed his fucking paper with no problem. We had a big fight about that. I asked how old the woman was that he was seeing and it was someone close to his own age. We were still on some sort of break/but still dating period.
I remember when I was a teen, I used to read Harlequin Romances. I read hundreds of them. That was how I learned how love and relatonship are supposed to be. No matter what, you may go thru some sort of adversity in the relationship, but in the end a knight in shining armor is supposed to come in on a white horse, sweep you off your feet, plant a big kiss on your lips and the two of you go riding off into the sunset together. I realize that every man I have ever dated, I have expected to sweep me off my feet and ride off into the sunset with me. Where is my knight? He is lost out there looking for me. I am here! Right here! Please come find me!
Well, I was looking for Harrington to be my knight. This was the adversity part and all was to work out in the end. I kept secretly hoping and waiting. While this break was going on , I did not date anyone else. Just him. I just knew that it would all work out in the end. I already had 2 years invested...now going into three. I wanted to ride off into the sunset with him. It would be a pretty nice sunset as he had a little money and we did have fun together. Our main differences came to doing things outdoors. I was more into that and he was not. We had many other things in common. The love of fine art and reading, jazz and going out!! He was not a stay at home fuddie duddie.
I was unable to place a name with this other woman he was seeing suposely not seriously so we continued on like we were. I was still in waiting mode. Don't good things come to those whow wait? Maybe this does not apply to men. Spring break was coming and I wanted us to spend that week together doing something. He was agreeble to that and I thought maybe we had just turned a corner. I invited Harrington to go home with me to meet my parents.
He did go with me. I had not told my mother about our age difference. I do not tell my mother about any relationships I have because when I did in younger years...not knowing...she would get all up in my bizness and cause trouble and turmoil. She did enough to run any men off I was interested. So we arrived at the door and she just happened to open it. She was in appropriate as usual. Before she could even say hello she had her hand over her mouth and was bending into her "I swany" moves. You know "I swany." It is that move that all elderly black women know about. "I swany" is from the 60's and earlier. I just looked at her. She finally straightened up and let us in. We got in. I told her we coudl share the same room. BIG FAT NO to that one. If you are not married you cannot sleep in the same room in her house. That really was not a big deal. We had a good weekend seeing all the sites aroung town, going to the beach and eating out. We headed back home on Tuedsay with no other plans for the rest of the week.
I'm Crackin' Some Books!
Destiny's Child is Tearin' it Up! Destiny's Child: Child's play
Beyoncé Knowles is one of the world's most famous women. But she and the other members of Destiny's Child didn't get where they are today without knowing a thing or two about hard work - or how to answer a difficult question. Interview by Nick Duerden
20 November 2004
It is six o'clock on a Monday evening in London's West End, and the throng of homeward-bound commuters is being hampered by an unlikely source. American R&B supergroup Destiny's Child are in town to launch their new album, Destiny Fulfilled, and so traffic grinds to a halt. They have been in London for five days now, making special appearances, parading themselves on telly and, whenever possible, visiting their favourite high-street outlet, Top Shop. Wherever they go, hordes of fans follow, a large minority of whom appear to be the kind that scream and cry and generally look ever so slightly deranged.
[...more here]
"http://enjoyment.independent.co.uk/music/interviews/story.jsp?story=584214"
Saturday, November 20, 2004
The Day After Thanksgiving What do you normally do after the day after Thanksgiving? I have spent it many ways. At home with a day off, at work, shopping..you know all the typical things.
I have two "day after Thanksgivings" that are most memorable. The first was last year. The Disney store in my mall was giving out a special holiday mini bean bag plush that I just had to have. It was Pooh in a holiday sweater. They had only 100 so I knew I had to get up early to get one. I love Disney and hae collected over 300 Disney mini bean bags. Just about every character in every Disney family of characters. This has been over the past 6 years of collecting.
People are crazy over and can GET craxy ABOUT beanie babies. I decided to get to the mall at 4am. I figured I would be the first in line. I set my alarm clock for 3:30am. I showered before going to bed so i got up, got dressed, grabbed cofee, grabbed my portable stadium chair and off I went to the mall. When I got there, teh parking lot was FULL!!!!
I repeat..the parking was full at 4AM. I was shocked. Surely they would not be there for that beanie baby. If so, I had not change in hell of getting one! I parked, grabbed my chair and ran to the door. I saw a sea of people as I turned the first corner to the right. There is a Kaybee toy store in the mall and there were police doing crowd control there. There must have been 250 people waiting in line with corrals set up. I breathed a sigh of relief. Further down the mall on the left side was the disney store and there were 9 people in line ahead of me. I was number 10!
The people in line there had bought paper and pen and had given out their one numbers in the event other people tried to cut in line when the doors were open. The Disney store is not one of the mall anchor stores that open at 5 or 6 the day after Thanksgiving. It opened 1 hour earlier on that day..so it opened at 9 instead of 10. We had a very long wait!!! From 4am til 9am. I set up my chair and began to hurry up and wait. By 5am there were about 40 people in line for the Disney store and already there was trouble with people trying to cut in line. One person may be in line and then suddenly the 4 other people who were shopping would join then saying that the "one" was holding the place of 4. Luckily that was happening behind me.
Finally the lights of the Disney Store came on and we had about 1.2 hours more to wait until the doors opened. We could see the staff inside looking out to see how many of us were at the door. Finally they came out about 15 minutes before the stoer opened and gave out 100 numbers. All was good until 2 elderly women tried to get a number as I was about to receive mine. They just walked up and held out their hands for numbers.
I lit into them like white on rice! I got loud and you know how loud a sista can get. I told the Disney employee that those 2 heifers were not in line and were in fact cutting in line. They were not there at 4am like the rest of us and I told them they had better get their old, skinny white asses to the back of the line. Rather than rangle with me, they finally left. I had to loud them out until they were not in my line of vision. The nerve of them. Don't mess with a black woman who has been waiting in line since the wee hours of the morning for a beanie baby!
A few years ago, I decided to go to Walmart at 5am when it opened. I got there about 4:30 am and there was already a mob scene at the door. There was no line, no order...just utter chaos. I joined in that mob because I had to get in to get those items that were on sale. People in the front of the line began to bang on the doors at 4:45. Managers came to the front of store...did a lot of talking and then we saw keys coming. They opened 15 minutes early. I was in the middle of the pack. When those doors opened it was a stampede. I was running and pushing and so was eveyone else. It was either run or be trampled. I finally got in and them there was the mad scramble to get a buggy and run with that buggy to the toy aisle. What is that craziness all about. It takes you over on the day after Thanksgiving. Mild mannered shoppers are turned into crazy, fanatical, stampeding buggy wielding shoppers. I did that once at Walmart...got there at 5am. Never again. That was dangerous. A women in the front did fall just as she got in the store and luckily she got out of the way because no one stopped to help her. We all just kept running. People who worked there could not get to her until the stampeed at the front door was over and we had all begun to run down our perspective aisles in the stores. Crazy!
This year I do not have off so I will be at work . I did a lot of christmas shopping today. Walmart had a lot of things on sale now. In the toy section.
AND...I was able to get some things put on layway and I took others out at TJ MAxx and Marshalls. I am ready for Christmas. The day after thanksgiving is the start of Christmas for me.
SO>>>>how do you spend the day after Thanksgiving???
Friday, November 19, 2004
Harrington and Christmas Well, this is part II of the Harrington relationship. The first post is right under this one.
Well, as I left off I had gotten the sign. I was going home with him for Christmas to meet his mother and family. His family lived several hours away from where the town we lived in so the ride up was pretty uneventful. I was dressed in "church clothes." No matter what anyone else had on I was dressed. You only have one chance to make a first impression on someone's mother. I had time to think and get myself all worked up and nervous. I was a nervous wreck by the time we got there. I did not tell Harrington. I wanted to be cool as a cucumber on the outside, while I might have been a quivering jelly fish on the inside. We arrived and we got out of the car. I took a deep breath. It was on!
I walked into a house full of people. Of course after meeting anyone , I promptly forget their name and had to listen before speaking to get all those names down. He had 3 sisters, a brother and of course mom and dad. I was pleasant, open and talkative. I got the feeling that Harrington's mother was watching me and she was. She asked me all about me and I told her. Then the question came.
How old was I?
I told her. I realized that she thought I was toooo young. I did not get any sort of feeling like that from the sisters or anyone else but what does that matter. Who is the matriach of any black family?! MAMA! What ever she thougth was it. We finished our dinner and lounged after dinner and eventually Harrington and I came home. This was the Sunday before Christmas.
Harrington and I planned to have Christmas together...just the 2 of us. I was doing all the cooking at my house. It was to be the first Christmas we had spent together, just the 2 of us. I planned a virtual feast. Turkey with all the trimmings, rice gravy, vegetables, rolls, sweet potatoe pie and tea. I had spent 2 days cooking and slaving over that stove and everything was going to be purrrfect! I had it perfectly timed so that I would have time to get dressed before Harrington arrived. I had told him to come over at 3pm. By 2:30pm, I had the holiday music playing in the background, I had on a semiformal black gown and was waiting, relaxing with a glass of wine. Eveything was timed to be turned off at 2:45, to be ready to eat at 3pm. This to me...this dinner...was another rite of passage for me. I had to prove I could be the hostess with the mostest. Harrington was used to living a high kind of life and this was really the first chance I had had to prove, I could cook up a designer meal fit for a king. For the most part, we had always eaten out or he cooked for me. It was my first formal meal for him.
Well, I looked like I stepped out of a magazine, the table looked like something Martha Stewart would have at her house and the food was as good as anything Emeril would have whipped up. BAMM! At 2:45, I tunrned all the food off. Harrington was always on time, so he should he arriving at 3pm on the nose. 3 came, 3 left, 3:30 came and I put everything on low to keep the food warm. I tried calling him as I was afraid something had happened. I called his home, office and business partner. All I got at all 3 places was the answering machine. I left messages to call me as I was expecting him and was hoping that he was okay. The turkey I also put on warm in the oven. When 4pm came and left, I became really pissed off! I finally got a call that he got tied up with his parnter with some old friends who dropped by out of the blue. He said he would be there by 5pm.
OKAY! He is a business man and sometimes things can come up. I tried to keep that in mind but it did not help. I was very disappointed and angry and thought he should have been just a little more attentive as to time and the he alrady had a prior engagement. ME! This was not just any old meal or holiday. It was Christmas, for God's sake! 5 came and 5 went. That damned nigga did not show up until 6pm. 6pm and smelling like Opium perfume!
I know Opium, my mother used to wear it.
I asked him why he was so late why did he leave me here waiting for him for so long with no call what was he thinking was that not the rudest thing he could have done did he not have no respect for me or our plans what was that smell who were you with really why do you smell like Opium perfume I want the complete details of where you were today nigga you had better start talkin' cause I want some answers right now and yes, it all came out in one run on sentence and yes my neck was moving and yes I had my hands on my hips! You know that sista' stance!
His answer was that he had friends come over out of the blue and he lost track of time and that he was sorry. I reamed him a new asshole. As for the Opium, he said that was his cologne. It was not. It was Opium. He was lying to me. There was no way to really salvage the day. We just had to finish the day. We had dinner and it was all just a little overcooked. Well it had been warming for 3 hours. Do you know what Harrington had the nerve to say to me about the turkey? He said it was overdone. Well it was on again. We had another big fight about that and he was told many times that if he has shownup when he was supposed to, the turkey would have been perfect. We ate for the most part in silence, I drank more wine to calm down and eventually by desert, I had calmed some. Not much, because I was now on high alert that because of dinner with his parents, things were not the same between us. I thougth we were heading in the right direction, but after that family visit, we may have just taken about 900 steps back ...and only he knew about it. I was finding it out on my own.
After dinner we sat around in the living room near the christmas tree and it got time to exchange gifts. Harrington bought me several very nice articles of clothes..a jacket and some other things I had told him I wanted. His big gift to me was a watch. A beautiful gold Seiko watch with a black face. It was stunning. That was the thing I wanted most that year, a new watch. I had recently lost mine.
I gave him gold cuff links and several other things. My biggest gift to him was going to be to tell him I loved him. I had purchased several months before a personalized book. I know you know what I am talking about. Books for kids that you can have personliazed. You give 3 names, 2 places and 2 favorite things, and one saying and those things are put in the book, story form and they tell a story. It is all done up in a hard back story book....like the Doctor Zuess books. Well, I had done that with the 3 names as Harrington, his partner and mine, our town and his hometown and the saying at the end was, "I love You!" It was very, very clever! And very, very cute! Love conquers all, doesn't it? My vision was a spectacular dinner, gift exchange, my book and both of us being in love and then getting' a little sumthing, sumthing after diner.
Well, I bought out the book with still a little glimmer of hope in my heart. I gave it to him. He read all the pages and when he got to the last page, he read the "I love you," and he suddenly slammed the book closed like it was on fire. Well. That was that. He did not say anything. I did tell him I did love him but tonight I was very hurt. He simply said he was sorry again. There was no return , I love you. He then asked where the newspaper was so he could read it. I had planned for him to spend the night at my house, but after awhile I made an excuse up and asked him to go home. I was very upset still over the day. He left and I spent my Christmas night...all night... in tears.
Christmas was bitter sweet that year. More bitter than sweet.
Harrington's next BIG move brought out the RAMBO in me! More on that later.....
Harrington Harrington and I were about 13 years apart in age. He was older than me. We were the classic May-December couple. Were we doomed from the start with much age difference? I cannot recall how we met. For the life of me I have racked my brain and cannot recall our meeting. I can just remember we "were." I truly loved him and isn't that the way it is? Tthe woman always invests the most as far as feelings. He was a builder who had later added real estate to his resume. He had some money when I met him. In his prime which was 10-15 years before I met him he must have been like The Donald in his own circle. He had contructed lots of buildings around town and had a 5 beroom house, multi cars and lots of blingg. Cashflow was like water.
When I met him it was after a long divorce with custody issues. The house had been sold and he was down to 3 cars and was living in some of the real estate he rented to others. He still had good cash flow, I guess becasuse for the most part he treated me very well. We only went to the best restaurants and the best places. Gone were nights at the local hangout or bars. I was attending formal parties, galas and benefits. I had to dress for the occassion. Being a process at heart that was right up my alley. Noone I have ever dated before ever dressed well enough for me and never had any money you could shake a stick at.
I think that over time while age was not a factor for him, some of his friends began to pressure him. I recall going to 3 separate formal affairs and sitting at a table with his friends. He was well known and very gregarious. He had lots of friends. Well at these 3 particular parties, I was sitting and someoem would come over and speak to him. He and the friend would then go off to speak to someone else. I was left alone. This, I thought was very rude. I mentioned it to him and he apologized but bells began to go off for me. Age was becoming a factor and it eventually became his mountain. One other event that really stood out in my mind was a charity casino event that he invited me to. I had bought a fushia backless satin dress for the occasion. The back had a satin bow with rhinestone accents at the waist. Damn! I was going to look good. He told me it was on a particular weekend, then called and said he had the date wrong..it was for the following weekend. I thought nothing of it. Anyone can get a date mixed up. So I put my dress away for the following weekend. We did nothing the weekend that was changed. I did speak to him on the phone that Saturday night.
The next weekend came and I put on my pink dress and he picked me up in his tux. He was quite debonair in a suit I must say. We went to the hotel and there was no charity casino gala. It had been the weekend before. A big hammer came up and hit me in the head. I, to this day ,do believe that he lied to me and did not take me to the gala because a vast majority of his friends who had been giving him pressure about me would be there. He claimed it was a mixup but I know the truth. I was very angry. We talked about it. I let it go but I did not forget.
We dated for about 3.5 years and over time I grew to love him. Love conquers all, doesn't it? We like to think so. The reality is, it does not. (Love Calculator) Some things are bigger than love. I kept that to myself for about a year. Why is is that women cannot say "I love you" to a man first for fear of scaring him away? We all wait for a sign that the time is right. So I waited and would get my sign to tell him that I loved him. We had great moments together eating out, movies, plays, shows, dinners at home. We never went on a trip together. That may have been a clue that all was not well. (I feel the rule now is that if you do not go on vacation together, the relationship is not a good one or not as solid as you may think.) We had magical moments together.
Our 2nd Christmas was coming and he asked me to go home with him for Christmas to have dinner with his parents, and sisters. The sign had come!!! (That is the sign and you know it!) Dinner with parents. We had planned to have dinner with planned to have dinner with then the weekend before December 25th and then come home and have a private dinner at my house on Christmas day. I was ready! Christmas would be the day. I had gotten the sign!
More to come.
Dating: Not Fun! My mother thought that the world was made up of different classes of people. There were only two. Low class and Appropriate Class or I guess High Class. While she tended to place everyone she knew, met or worked with in a category, I could never see the world that way. My mother could just look at someone and knew instantly what class they belonged to. She felt that I needed to do this too when I made decisions about friends or people to date.Well I was a very late bloomer being very shy and quiet.
Dating was quite an experience. I did not date until my junior year of high school. Before anyone could go out with me they had to pass the test my mother gave them. Before the date was even sanctioned, the unsuspecting boy had to come over to my house for an interview by my mother. If they did not EVEN pass the interview the date would never happen. So...said boy would show up to meet my parents. Setting was the formal living room not the comfortable den. My mother and father would sit on the sofa and he would sit in the chair. I was sitting at the formal dining room table watching. It was all that I could do. It was totally out of my control. Plesantries were exchanged and the interrogation would begin. My mother did all the talking.
She would ask all of the following questions:
1. Who are your people and what are their names?
2. Where do you live?
3. What do your parents do for a living?
4. How long have your parents worked at those jobs?
5. How old are you?
6. What grade are you in?
7. Do you plan to attend college?
8. If so where do you plan to attend college?
9. Do you smoke?
10. Do you drink?
Those were the basics and depending on the answers, those questions could be expanded upon. Well, even if the boy passed the test, the grilling he got was severe and he most likely would not want to go out. Imagine a bug under a magnifying glass. That was how I felt just listening and I was not even my potential date. I did go out on less than 5 dates my entire high school career. Once the news got around that any boy I wanted to see or who wanted to see me had to interview with my mother, boys steered clear. If the boy failed my mothers test he was told on the spot that I was off limits and could not ever go out with them. Out of the 2 handfuls of people that she interviewed I feel that 2 really good honest people got away. One was a guy (I cannot recall his name now) who was in the ROTC and was going to college and entering the military. He came to call once after the interview and my sent him away post haste.
The other fellow I resisted my mothers wishes and dated for a long time. We were even engaged. The entire time we dated my mother basically harassed him and me about us dating. To me privately I was told that she never liked him and that he was worthless and would never amount to anything. To his face she would repeat key interview questions over and over again on a monthly basis. He and I vowed to stay together. He was my first love. Eventually we did drift apart and we broke up. We tried to get back together 2 times after the initial break up. He tried on the first attempt and I was dating someone else.
The second try it was me doing the initiating and he was seeing someone else. He was even thinking of marrying this new girl. I was devastated. I wished him the best and hung up. I pined and cried over him and knew that he was the one that got away. I did not hear from him for about 10 years. One holiday-4th of July about 3 years ago--I was visiting my parents in the states and was taking a walk around the block. A green van stopped and a man who looked familiar jumped out and called my name. It was my first love-the one that got away. I asked him what he was doing in the neighborhood. He said he was looking for me. For me??? He told me that every holiday for the last 10 years he drives over to my parents neighborhood to see if he may get a glimpse of me...to see me.
I was flabbergasted. He said this was the first time I had ever been outside/seen in all those years of his driving by. We stood there talking in the street for about an hour. He was still married to the girl he was thinking of marrying that last time I spoke to him. The marriage was basically over, they were together for the kids. He told me he still loved me and had never stopped and that I was the only one for him, but given circumstance there we both were. Personally I still had faint feelings for him. I always have had feelings for him. I never stopped loving him either but here we were. We exchanged phone numbers to be forever friends. We still keep in touch to this day. We did meet for drinks once--that is all. He does remember me and calls on every holiday to wish me a merry day or to have a happy birthday.
In my heart of hearts he is the one that got away. I have loved and cared deeply for people after him but it has never been the same. Part of our drifting away had some to do with my mother. When we got engaged I tried to arrange for his family and mine to meet. My mother refused. His mother was afraid of mine. Her reputation preceded her and me unfortunately. We began to plan the wedding. I wanted violins and jazz. She wanted organ music and hymns. I told her this was my wedding and these were the things my finace and I wanted. She then said that she was not going to pay for the wedding if it was not as she wanted it planned. She then said she was not going to attend if we got married. Being young I was at a loss as to what to do. My love and I thought about eloping.
In the end, it finally got to him that my mother disliked him so much and thought that he was not of the proper "socioeconimic standing" that she was refusing to pay for a wedding or have anything to do with it. We finally drifted apart. FYI...after that I never involved my mother in any relationship I had. The only time she may find out about a significant other in my life was if I came home for a holiday with him in tow. I have gotten married without the big dream wedding that every girl wants her parents to help her have. I have not had the money to throw a big wedding--but my parents sure do--so the justice of the peace is what I have had to live with. Funny now...my marriage has failed and when talking to my mother now she says that I should have married my first love.
He stayed on in my hometown and never left. My mother did see him around town from time to time and he has done well for hismelf. Good job, home, 2 kids. She wants that stability for me. The 2nd time she said to me that I should have married him, I let her have it. I told her that if she recalled she never liked him and thought that his family was low class and not good enough for me. I mentioned the wedding she refused to pay for because I wanted jazz and violins and she wanted organ music and hymns. I also mentioned that after that she refused to attend the wedding at all. Who would give me away? I also mentioned the fact that in all the years we dated she never liked him and told him so to his face. What did my mother do? Deny everything that I had just told her. We both know it is true.
Now the only thing she asks me about him at least once a month or so is, "have you heard from ____ lately?" My answer is always yes, as I have heard from him. We do stay in touch by phone but that is all. It makes me sad to talk to him now. To think about the life we may have had. It may not have worked out in the end but at least we would have tried and failed. It makes me sad to think about dreams lost and hoped for, for so long..spending my life with him and not having the chance. We dated for 7 years. He was the one I was supposed to loose my virginity too and did not. It makes me so sad now I almost wish that he not call. He is sad too. We are both sad together for a dream of being together that has not been fulfilled and by the looks of it never will.
Wedding Guests Behaving Badly! Still basking in the glow of her weekend nuptials, Star Jones playfully scolded her View cohosts Tuesday for breaking several of her wedding "rules."
"My cohosts, you guys, showed out," Jones said, explaining that the term is a Southern saying for behaving badly.
The newlywed TV star was upset over a laundry list of no-nos committed by the ladies of The View during the carefully planned festivities. Among the offenses: Joy Behar didn't stay in her seat during the ceremony, wore pants to the wedding and brought a camera, which was strictly forbidden.
"I could not believe that my cohost, not only did she bring a camera, but had the audacity to pull it out to take my picture," said Jones, 42.
Behar was unruffled and said most of the shots were of View staff members and cohost Meredith Vieira.
"We were so confident that it would be your last wedding that we did not care," said Vieira in defense of Behar.
The comment caused Jones to laugh uproariously and shout, "I hate these women and I love them!"
The worst offense however, was committed by the newest and youngest member of The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who re-arranged the seating cards for the reception dinner. As a result, View producer Bill Getty was removed from his spot – chosen by Jones herself – at the head of the table. He was also forced to sit separately from his wife.
"Somebody moved Bill to the end of the table!" Jones said without naming names.
Hasselbeck denied moving Getty's placement card herself, but admitted to starting a frenzy of card-moving, which led to Getty's unseating.
"I'm sorry that I started all that," she said. "I was the match that lit that fire, and I apologize."
Both Jones and Getty accepted the ex-Survivor contestant's apology.
Jones married Wall Street trader Al Reynolds, 34, last Saturday at a star-studded wedding. The guest list included Sen. Hillary Clinton, Spike Lee, Chris Rock, Kim Cattrall, Natalie Cole, Vivica A. Fox, Kelly Ripa and Rick and Kathy Hilton.
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