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Saturday, November 20, 2004
The Day After Thanksgiving What do you normally do after the day after Thanksgiving? I have spent it many ways. At home with a day off, at work, shopping..you know all the typical things.
I have two "day after Thanksgivings" that are most memorable. The first was last year. The Disney store in my mall was giving out a special holiday mini bean bag plush that I just had to have. It was Pooh in a holiday sweater. They had only 100 so I knew I had to get up early to get one. I love Disney and hae collected over 300 Disney mini bean bags. Just about every character in every Disney family of characters. This has been over the past 6 years of collecting.
People are crazy over and can GET craxy ABOUT beanie babies. I decided to get to the mall at 4am. I figured I would be the first in line. I set my alarm clock for 3:30am. I showered before going to bed so i got up, got dressed, grabbed cofee, grabbed my portable stadium chair and off I went to the mall. When I got there, teh parking lot was FULL!!!!
I repeat..the parking was full at 4AM. I was shocked. Surely they would not be there for that beanie baby. If so, I had not change in hell of getting one! I parked, grabbed my chair and ran to the door. I saw a sea of people as I turned the first corner to the right. There is a Kaybee toy store in the mall and there were police doing crowd control there. There must have been 250 people waiting in line with corrals set up. I breathed a sigh of relief. Further down the mall on the left side was the disney store and there were 9 people in line ahead of me. I was number 10!
The people in line there had bought paper and pen and had given out their one numbers in the event other people tried to cut in line when the doors were open. The Disney store is not one of the mall anchor stores that open at 5 or 6 the day after Thanksgiving. It opened 1 hour earlier on that day..so it opened at 9 instead of 10. We had a very long wait!!! From 4am til 9am. I set up my chair and began to hurry up and wait. By 5am there were about 40 people in line for the Disney store and already there was trouble with people trying to cut in line. One person may be in line and then suddenly the 4 other people who were shopping would join then saying that the "one" was holding the place of 4. Luckily that was happening behind me.
Finally the lights of the Disney Store came on and we had about 1.2 hours more to wait until the doors opened. We could see the staff inside looking out to see how many of us were at the door. Finally they came out about 15 minutes before the stoer opened and gave out 100 numbers. All was good until 2 elderly women tried to get a number as I was about to receive mine. They just walked up and held out their hands for numbers.
I lit into them like white on rice! I got loud and you know how loud a sista can get. I told the Disney employee that those 2 heifers were not in line and were in fact cutting in line. They were not there at 4am like the rest of us and I told them they had better get their old, skinny white asses to the back of the line. Rather than rangle with me, they finally left. I had to loud them out until they were not in my line of vision. The nerve of them. Don't mess with a black woman who has been waiting in line since the wee hours of the morning for a beanie baby!
A few years ago, I decided to go to Walmart at 5am when it opened. I got there about 4:30 am and there was already a mob scene at the door. There was no line, no order...just utter chaos. I joined in that mob because I had to get in to get those items that were on sale. People in the front of the line began to bang on the doors at 4:45. Managers came to the front of store...did a lot of talking and then we saw keys coming. They opened 15 minutes early. I was in the middle of the pack. When those doors opened it was a stampede. I was running and pushing and so was eveyone else. It was either run or be trampled. I finally got in and them there was the mad scramble to get a buggy and run with that buggy to the toy aisle. What is that craziness all about. It takes you over on the day after Thanksgiving. Mild mannered shoppers are turned into crazy, fanatical, stampeding buggy wielding shoppers. I did that once at Walmart...got there at 5am. Never again. That was dangerous. A women in the front did fall just as she got in the store and luckily she got out of the way because no one stopped to help her. We all just kept running. People who worked there could not get to her until the stampeed at the front door was over and we had all begun to run down our perspective aisles in the stores. Crazy!
This year I do not have off so I will be at work . I did a lot of christmas shopping today. Walmart had a lot of things on sale now. In the toy section.
AND...I was able to get some things put on layway and I took others out at TJ MAxx and Marshalls. I am ready for Christmas. The day after thanksgiving is the start of Christmas for me.
SO>>>>how do you spend the day after Thanksgiving???
Friday, November 19, 2004
Harrington and Christmas Well, this is part II of the Harrington relationship. The first post is right under this one.
Well, as I left off I had gotten the sign. I was going home with him for Christmas to meet his mother and family. His family lived several hours away from where the town we lived in so the ride up was pretty uneventful. I was dressed in "church clothes." No matter what anyone else had on I was dressed. You only have one chance to make a first impression on someone's mother. I had time to think and get myself all worked up and nervous. I was a nervous wreck by the time we got there. I did not tell Harrington. I wanted to be cool as a cucumber on the outside, while I might have been a quivering jelly fish on the inside. We arrived and we got out of the car. I took a deep breath. It was on!
I walked into a house full of people. Of course after meeting anyone , I promptly forget their name and had to listen before speaking to get all those names down. He had 3 sisters, a brother and of course mom and dad. I was pleasant, open and talkative. I got the feeling that Harrington's mother was watching me and she was. She asked me all about me and I told her. Then the question came.
How old was I?
I told her. I realized that she thought I was toooo young. I did not get any sort of feeling like that from the sisters or anyone else but what does that matter. Who is the matriach of any black family?! MAMA! What ever she thougth was it. We finished our dinner and lounged after dinner and eventually Harrington and I came home. This was the Sunday before Christmas.
Harrington and I planned to have Christmas together...just the 2 of us. I was doing all the cooking at my house. It was to be the first Christmas we had spent together, just the 2 of us. I planned a virtual feast. Turkey with all the trimmings, rice gravy, vegetables, rolls, sweet potatoe pie and tea. I had spent 2 days cooking and slaving over that stove and everything was going to be purrrfect! I had it perfectly timed so that I would have time to get dressed before Harrington arrived. I had told him to come over at 3pm. By 2:30pm, I had the holiday music playing in the background, I had on a semiformal black gown and was waiting, relaxing with a glass of wine. Eveything was timed to be turned off at 2:45, to be ready to eat at 3pm. This to me...this dinner...was another rite of passage for me. I had to prove I could be the hostess with the mostest. Harrington was used to living a high kind of life and this was really the first chance I had had to prove, I could cook up a designer meal fit for a king. For the most part, we had always eaten out or he cooked for me. It was my first formal meal for him.
Well, I looked like I stepped out of a magazine, the table looked like something Martha Stewart would have at her house and the food was as good as anything Emeril would have whipped up. BAMM! At 2:45, I tunrned all the food off. Harrington was always on time, so he should he arriving at 3pm on the nose. 3 came, 3 left, 3:30 came and I put everything on low to keep the food warm. I tried calling him as I was afraid something had happened. I called his home, office and business partner. All I got at all 3 places was the answering machine. I left messages to call me as I was expecting him and was hoping that he was okay. The turkey I also put on warm in the oven. When 4pm came and left, I became really pissed off! I finally got a call that he got tied up with his parnter with some old friends who dropped by out of the blue. He said he would be there by 5pm.
OKAY! He is a business man and sometimes things can come up. I tried to keep that in mind but it did not help. I was very disappointed and angry and thought he should have been just a little more attentive as to time and the he alrady had a prior engagement. ME! This was not just any old meal or holiday. It was Christmas, for God's sake! 5 came and 5 went. That damned nigga did not show up until 6pm. 6pm and smelling like Opium perfume!
I know Opium, my mother used to wear it.
I asked him why he was so late why did he leave me here waiting for him for so long with no call what was he thinking was that not the rudest thing he could have done did he not have no respect for me or our plans what was that smell who were you with really why do you smell like Opium perfume I want the complete details of where you were today nigga you had better start talkin' cause I want some answers right now and yes, it all came out in one run on sentence and yes my neck was moving and yes I had my hands on my hips! You know that sista' stance!
His answer was that he had friends come over out of the blue and he lost track of time and that he was sorry. I reamed him a new asshole. As for the Opium, he said that was his cologne. It was not. It was Opium. He was lying to me. There was no way to really salvage the day. We just had to finish the day. We had dinner and it was all just a little overcooked. Well it had been warming for 3 hours. Do you know what Harrington had the nerve to say to me about the turkey? He said it was overdone. Well it was on again. We had another big fight about that and he was told many times that if he has shownup when he was supposed to, the turkey would have been perfect. We ate for the most part in silence, I drank more wine to calm down and eventually by desert, I had calmed some. Not much, because I was now on high alert that because of dinner with his parents, things were not the same between us. I thougth we were heading in the right direction, but after that family visit, we may have just taken about 900 steps back ...and only he knew about it. I was finding it out on my own.
After dinner we sat around in the living room near the christmas tree and it got time to exchange gifts. Harrington bought me several very nice articles of clothes..a jacket and some other things I had told him I wanted. His big gift to me was a watch. A beautiful gold Seiko watch with a black face. It was stunning. That was the thing I wanted most that year, a new watch. I had recently lost mine.
I gave him gold cuff links and several other things. My biggest gift to him was going to be to tell him I loved him. I had purchased several months before a personalized book. I know you know what I am talking about. Books for kids that you can have personliazed. You give 3 names, 2 places and 2 favorite things, and one saying and those things are put in the book, story form and they tell a story. It is all done up in a hard back story book....like the Doctor Zuess books. Well, I had done that with the 3 names as Harrington, his partner and mine, our town and his hometown and the saying at the end was, "I love You!" It was very, very clever! And very, very cute! Love conquers all, doesn't it? My vision was a spectacular dinner, gift exchange, my book and both of us being in love and then getting' a little sumthing, sumthing after diner.
Well, I bought out the book with still a little glimmer of hope in my heart. I gave it to him. He read all the pages and when he got to the last page, he read the "I love you," and he suddenly slammed the book closed like it was on fire. Well. That was that. He did not say anything. I did tell him I did love him but tonight I was very hurt. He simply said he was sorry again. There was no return , I love you. He then asked where the newspaper was so he could read it. I had planned for him to spend the night at my house, but after awhile I made an excuse up and asked him to go home. I was very upset still over the day. He left and I spent my Christmas night...all night... in tears.
Christmas was bitter sweet that year. More bitter than sweet.
Harrington's next BIG move brought out the RAMBO in me! More on that later.....
Harrington Harrington and I were about 13 years apart in age. He was older than me. We were the classic May-December couple. Were we doomed from the start with much age difference? I cannot recall how we met. For the life of me I have racked my brain and cannot recall our meeting. I can just remember we "were." I truly loved him and isn't that the way it is? Tthe woman always invests the most as far as feelings. He was a builder who had later added real estate to his resume. He had some money when I met him. In his prime which was 10-15 years before I met him he must have been like The Donald in his own circle. He had contructed lots of buildings around town and had a 5 beroom house, multi cars and lots of blingg. Cashflow was like water.
When I met him it was after a long divorce with custody issues. The house had been sold and he was down to 3 cars and was living in some of the real estate he rented to others. He still had good cash flow, I guess becasuse for the most part he treated me very well. We only went to the best restaurants and the best places. Gone were nights at the local hangout or bars. I was attending formal parties, galas and benefits. I had to dress for the occassion. Being a process at heart that was right up my alley. Noone I have ever dated before ever dressed well enough for me and never had any money you could shake a stick at.
I think that over time while age was not a factor for him, some of his friends began to pressure him. I recall going to 3 separate formal affairs and sitting at a table with his friends. He was well known and very gregarious. He had lots of friends. Well at these 3 particular parties, I was sitting and someoem would come over and speak to him. He and the friend would then go off to speak to someone else. I was left alone. This, I thought was very rude. I mentioned it to him and he apologized but bells began to go off for me. Age was becoming a factor and it eventually became his mountain. One other event that really stood out in my mind was a charity casino event that he invited me to. I had bought a fushia backless satin dress for the occasion. The back had a satin bow with rhinestone accents at the waist. Damn! I was going to look good. He told me it was on a particular weekend, then called and said he had the date wrong..it was for the following weekend. I thought nothing of it. Anyone can get a date mixed up. So I put my dress away for the following weekend. We did nothing the weekend that was changed. I did speak to him on the phone that Saturday night.
The next weekend came and I put on my pink dress and he picked me up in his tux. He was quite debonair in a suit I must say. We went to the hotel and there was no charity casino gala. It had been the weekend before. A big hammer came up and hit me in the head. I, to this day ,do believe that he lied to me and did not take me to the gala because a vast majority of his friends who had been giving him pressure about me would be there. He claimed it was a mixup but I know the truth. I was very angry. We talked about it. I let it go but I did not forget.
We dated for about 3.5 years and over time I grew to love him. Love conquers all, doesn't it? We like to think so. The reality is, it does not. (Love Calculator) Some things are bigger than love. I kept that to myself for about a year. Why is is that women cannot say "I love you" to a man first for fear of scaring him away? We all wait for a sign that the time is right. So I waited and would get my sign to tell him that I loved him. We had great moments together eating out, movies, plays, shows, dinners at home. We never went on a trip together. That may have been a clue that all was not well. (I feel the rule now is that if you do not go on vacation together, the relationship is not a good one or not as solid as you may think.) We had magical moments together.
Our 2nd Christmas was coming and he asked me to go home with him for Christmas to have dinner with his parents, and sisters. The sign had come!!! (That is the sign and you know it!) Dinner with parents. We had planned to have dinner with planned to have dinner with then the weekend before December 25th and then come home and have a private dinner at my house on Christmas day. I was ready! Christmas would be the day. I had gotten the sign!
More to come.
Dating: Not Fun! My mother thought that the world was made up of different classes of people. There were only two. Low class and Appropriate Class or I guess High Class. While she tended to place everyone she knew, met or worked with in a category, I could never see the world that way. My mother could just look at someone and knew instantly what class they belonged to. She felt that I needed to do this too when I made decisions about friends or people to date.Well I was a very late bloomer being very shy and quiet.
Dating was quite an experience. I did not date until my junior year of high school. Before anyone could go out with me they had to pass the test my mother gave them. Before the date was even sanctioned, the unsuspecting boy had to come over to my house for an interview by my mother. If they did not EVEN pass the interview the date would never happen. So...said boy would show up to meet my parents. Setting was the formal living room not the comfortable den. My mother and father would sit on the sofa and he would sit in the chair. I was sitting at the formal dining room table watching. It was all that I could do. It was totally out of my control. Plesantries were exchanged and the interrogation would begin. My mother did all the talking.
She would ask all of the following questions:
1. Who are your people and what are their names?
2. Where do you live?
3. What do your parents do for a living?
4. How long have your parents worked at those jobs?
5. How old are you?
6. What grade are you in?
7. Do you plan to attend college?
8. If so where do you plan to attend college?
9. Do you smoke?
10. Do you drink?
Those were the basics and depending on the answers, those questions could be expanded upon. Well, even if the boy passed the test, the grilling he got was severe and he most likely would not want to go out. Imagine a bug under a magnifying glass. That was how I felt just listening and I was not even my potential date. I did go out on less than 5 dates my entire high school career. Once the news got around that any boy I wanted to see or who wanted to see me had to interview with my mother, boys steered clear. If the boy failed my mothers test he was told on the spot that I was off limits and could not ever go out with them. Out of the 2 handfuls of people that she interviewed I feel that 2 really good honest people got away. One was a guy (I cannot recall his name now) who was in the ROTC and was going to college and entering the military. He came to call once after the interview and my sent him away post haste.
The other fellow I resisted my mothers wishes and dated for a long time. We were even engaged. The entire time we dated my mother basically harassed him and me about us dating. To me privately I was told that she never liked him and that he was worthless and would never amount to anything. To his face she would repeat key interview questions over and over again on a monthly basis. He and I vowed to stay together. He was my first love. Eventually we did drift apart and we broke up. We tried to get back together 2 times after the initial break up. He tried on the first attempt and I was dating someone else.
The second try it was me doing the initiating and he was seeing someone else. He was even thinking of marrying this new girl. I was devastated. I wished him the best and hung up. I pined and cried over him and knew that he was the one that got away. I did not hear from him for about 10 years. One holiday-4th of July about 3 years ago--I was visiting my parents in the states and was taking a walk around the block. A green van stopped and a man who looked familiar jumped out and called my name. It was my first love-the one that got away. I asked him what he was doing in the neighborhood. He said he was looking for me. For me??? He told me that every holiday for the last 10 years he drives over to my parents neighborhood to see if he may get a glimpse of me...to see me.
I was flabbergasted. He said this was the first time I had ever been outside/seen in all those years of his driving by. We stood there talking in the street for about an hour. He was still married to the girl he was thinking of marrying that last time I spoke to him. The marriage was basically over, they were together for the kids. He told me he still loved me and had never stopped and that I was the only one for him, but given circumstance there we both were. Personally I still had faint feelings for him. I always have had feelings for him. I never stopped loving him either but here we were. We exchanged phone numbers to be forever friends. We still keep in touch to this day. We did meet for drinks once--that is all. He does remember me and calls on every holiday to wish me a merry day or to have a happy birthday.
In my heart of hearts he is the one that got away. I have loved and cared deeply for people after him but it has never been the same. Part of our drifting away had some to do with my mother. When we got engaged I tried to arrange for his family and mine to meet. My mother refused. His mother was afraid of mine. Her reputation preceded her and me unfortunately. We began to plan the wedding. I wanted violins and jazz. She wanted organ music and hymns. I told her this was my wedding and these were the things my finace and I wanted. She then said that she was not going to pay for the wedding if it was not as she wanted it planned. She then said she was not going to attend if we got married. Being young I was at a loss as to what to do. My love and I thought about eloping.
In the end, it finally got to him that my mother disliked him so much and thought that he was not of the proper "socioeconimic standing" that she was refusing to pay for a wedding or have anything to do with it. We finally drifted apart. FYI...after that I never involved my mother in any relationship I had. The only time she may find out about a significant other in my life was if I came home for a holiday with him in tow. I have gotten married without the big dream wedding that every girl wants her parents to help her have. I have not had the money to throw a big wedding--but my parents sure do--so the justice of the peace is what I have had to live with. Funny now...my marriage has failed and when talking to my mother now she says that I should have married my first love.
He stayed on in my hometown and never left. My mother did see him around town from time to time and he has done well for hismelf. Good job, home, 2 kids. She wants that stability for me. The 2nd time she said to me that I should have married him, I let her have it. I told her that if she recalled she never liked him and thought that his family was low class and not good enough for me. I mentioned the wedding she refused to pay for because I wanted jazz and violins and she wanted organ music and hymns. I also mentioned that after that she refused to attend the wedding at all. Who would give me away? I also mentioned the fact that in all the years we dated she never liked him and told him so to his face. What did my mother do? Deny everything that I had just told her. We both know it is true.
Now the only thing she asks me about him at least once a month or so is, "have you heard from ____ lately?" My answer is always yes, as I have heard from him. We do stay in touch by phone but that is all. It makes me sad to talk to him now. To think about the life we may have had. It may not have worked out in the end but at least we would have tried and failed. It makes me sad to think about dreams lost and hoped for, for so long..spending my life with him and not having the chance. We dated for 7 years. He was the one I was supposed to loose my virginity too and did not. It makes me so sad now I almost wish that he not call. He is sad too. We are both sad together for a dream of being together that has not been fulfilled and by the looks of it never will.
Wedding Guests Behaving Badly! Still basking in the glow of her weekend nuptials, Star Jones playfully scolded her View cohosts Tuesday for breaking several of her wedding "rules."
"My cohosts, you guys, showed out," Jones said, explaining that the term is a Southern saying for behaving badly.
The newlywed TV star was upset over a laundry list of no-nos committed by the ladies of The View during the carefully planned festivities. Among the offenses: Joy Behar didn't stay in her seat during the ceremony, wore pants to the wedding and brought a camera, which was strictly forbidden.
"I could not believe that my cohost, not only did she bring a camera, but had the audacity to pull it out to take my picture," said Jones, 42.
Behar was unruffled and said most of the shots were of View staff members and cohost Meredith Vieira.
"We were so confident that it would be your last wedding that we did not care," said Vieira in defense of Behar.
The comment caused Jones to laugh uproariously and shout, "I hate these women and I love them!"
The worst offense however, was committed by the newest and youngest member of The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who re-arranged the seating cards for the reception dinner. As a result, View producer Bill Getty was removed from his spot – chosen by Jones herself – at the head of the table. He was also forced to sit separately from his wife.
"Somebody moved Bill to the end of the table!" Jones said without naming names.
Hasselbeck denied moving Getty's placement card herself, but admitted to starting a frenzy of card-moving, which led to Getty's unseating.
"I'm sorry that I started all that," she said. "I was the match that lit that fire, and I apologize."
Both Jones and Getty accepted the ex-Survivor contestant's apology.
Jones married Wall Street trader Al Reynolds, 34, last Saturday at a star-studded wedding. The guest list included Sen. Hillary Clinton, Spike Lee, Chris Rock, Kim Cattrall, Natalie Cole, Vivica A. Fox, Kelly Ripa and Rick and Kathy Hilton.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Moving Week Well. I got tired of blogger and decided to try blogdrive for awhile. The lay out is just a cleaner look. Blogger has more features, I think...just a little more, but I like blog drive! So here I am. Newby on the block!
Can't take a Brutha' Anywhere! G-Unit rapper Young Buck wanted in Vibe awards stabbing
RYAN PEARSON
Associated Press
LOS ANGELES - Only in the rap game could an artist win an award and get accused of a felony on the same night.
The top-selling rapper Young Buck was being sought by police Tuesday for allegedly stabbing a man who punched hip-hop legend Dr. Dre at the Vibe awards. Buck is signed to Dr. Dre's record label as part of the G-Unit clique, which was named best group by the music magazine.
Buck fled the Santa Monica airport hangar where the awards show was being taped Monday night, Santa Monica police Lt. Frank Fabrega said in a statement. A warrant was being prepared alleging assault with a deadly weapon.
The incident was sparked as Snoop Dogg and Vibe founder Quincy Jones were about to give Dre a lifetime achievement award. A man later identified as Jimmy James Johnson approached Dre, who was seated at a table in front of the stage, and appeared to ask for an autograph before punching the veteran hitmaker, police said.
People began shoving, chairs were thrown, punches flew, people got chased. Some in the audience of about 1,000 scurried for the exits. Alicia Keys, the night's top winner with awards for artist of the year and best R&B song, was among those who fled.
Johnson was dragged away by security staff, but then suffered a serious stab wound when he was attacked by a number of people, including Buck, whose real name is David Darnell Brown, according to police.
"Brown is clearly depicted (on videotape) as holding a knife after the assault and is one of a number of fight participants that was pepper-sprayed by officers in their attempt to stop this fight," Police Chief James Butts told a news conference. "We're asking Mr. David Darnell Brown to surrender himself to police."
Johnson, 26, was in stable condition at a hospital.
"It is unfortunate that an event so many people worked very hard to create has been tainted by the actions of a few individuals," Kenard Gibbs, president of Vibe, said in a statement.
Many in the constantly feuding rap community speculated that longtime Dre antagonist Suge Knight, who attended the awards, arranged for Dre to get punched. Suge and Dre started the legendary Death Row record label together in the late 1980s, then had a bitter separation over money and the violence that has surrounded Knight during his 15 years in the music business.
Knight denied any involvement in the attack on Dre.
"One thing about me, if I do something, I'ma claim it," Knight told reporters after the show. "I'm not a idiot. See, an idiot would go out there and do stuff."
Buck, a native of Nashville, Tenn., is a member of superstar 50 Cent's G-Unit posse. He released his debut solo album, "Straight Outta Ca$hville," in August, and it debuted at No. 3 on the Billboard charts.
For those who listen to Buck and G-Unit's hardcore rhymes, it's no surprise that Buck would spring to the defense of his godfather Dre, one of the architects of gangsta rap. And although there were metal detectors at the door, performers aren't typically searched when they enter an awards show.
And it wasn't the first hip-hop awards show to be interrupted by violence: The 2000 Source Awards were marred by fights - and then got their highest TV ratings ever.
After the Vibe fracas was squelched Monday night, the taping continued. The show, broadcast Tuesday night on UPN, was seamlessly edited to remove any trace of the attack.
"They can't stop me. I don't care," Dre said on television as he accepted his award, showing no signs of injury.
Preparing to give Dre his award, Vibe founder Quincy Jones thanked the people who made the 10-year-old magazine a success.
"Each and every one of you in this audience," he said, "I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
It was unclear whether his remarks came before or after the stabbing.
---
Winners at the second annual Vibe awards:
Artist of the Year: Alicia Keys
Best Group: G-Unit
Sexiest Video Vixen: Ki Toy ("The Way You Move," "OutKast,")
Reelest Video: "99 Problems," Jay-Z
Best Comeback: Twista
Hottest Hook: "Lean Back," Terror Squad
Street Anthem: "Rubberband Man," T.I.
Power Broker of the Year: Steve Stoute
Coolest Collabo: "Why (Remix)," Jadakiss, featuring Hamilton, Styles P., Common & Nas
Next Award: Anthony Hamilton
R&B Voice of the Year: Usher
Best R&B Song: "If I Ain't Got You," Alicia Keys
Club Banger of the Year: "Lean Back," Terror Squad
Boomshot Award: "Turn Me On (Remix)," Kevin Lyttle, featuring Spragga Benz
Lifetime Achievement Award: Dr. Dre
Farewell Colin Powell Colin Powell is above all a soldier. He loves his country and has dedicated his life to its service. His devotion to the U.S. Army is extraordinarily deep. Those qualities make him a fine man. They did not, however, make him a good secretary of state. Given the ideological proclivities of the Bush administration, perhaps Powell never had a chance. Perhaps no one should have had illusions about what he might accomplish.
The world took much reassurance from Powell's appointment. He was a moderate in a sea of hard-liners. He was a straight shooter. He believed in traditional diplomacy and international community building. His bona fides as a military man seemed to give him standing to challenge the Pentagon when that was necessary.
Powell came to the Army during Vietnam. He saw that conflict destroy the institution he loved, and he devoted two decades to rebuilding it, professionalizing it, putting the military back in charge of its own affairs, giving the professional officer corps a strong voice in how it was used. By the time of the Gulf War, the transformation was complete.
Nothing so exemplified it as Powell's doctrine: Go to war as a last resort; go with overwhelming force; go only with the unified support of the American people, and go with a clear strategy for consolidating the victory and leaving the battlefield. Iraq meets not a one of those criteria.
Who can ever forget Powell's dramatic presentation to the U.N. Security Council on Feb. 5, 2003, in which he made the case for going to war with Iraq? Few people trusted Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush on Iraq. But here was Colin Powell, the wise head, saying we must do this, agreeing with that other wise head, Tony Blair. Those two could not be dismissed. But they were wrong, and they had reason to know they were wrong.
Powell put up the good fight, especially against Rumsfeld. But without support from Bush and Cheney, Powell's efforts were doomed. He was outgunned time and again. In retrospect, it's difficult to understand why Powell ever took the job. He had no relationship with Bush and held an entirely different worldview from the president and those close to him. Surely he could anticipate the battles he would need to fight, and surely he had to know he would lose most of them. Just as surely, those who banked on Powell's ability to sway events should have known they were willing themselves to hope for too much.
Powell did have his victories, too. He was personally responsible for preventing what seemed like almost inevitable war between India and Pakistan. He successfully pushed Bush to pay more attention to Africa, to AIDS and to other humanitarian issues. But on too many of the large issues -- North Korea, Iran, Iraq and especially on the need to pay heed to the views of other important nations -- Powell might as well have been talking to a rock.
Powell's leave-taking is emblematic of his tenure: The possibility of a breakthrough in the Palestinian question is palpable right now, and Powell wanted to stay on a few months to see if he could make some progress. Bush told him no.
So now Powell leaves the scene, to be replaced by Condoleezza Rice, a Bush loyalist. As national security adviser, Rice failed miserably at that job's central task: being the president's honest broker between Defense, State and the CIA to ensure Bush got the best advice. Her primary task at State apparently will be the same as Porter Goss' role at CIA: To strip the agency of those career professionals who had the guts to tell the White House things it didn't want to hear -- unpleasant truths that it needed to hear. Bush will hear no more dissenting voices. As in the campaign, there will be no admissions of mistakes. There will be no course corrections.
Powell tried to warn of that cliff ahead from the inside. He should have quit and gone public with his warning long, long ago.
Outspoken Bill Cosby Let me just say I am in total agreement with him.
(CNN) -- You don't want to get Bill Cosby angry.
And Bill Cosby is angry.
Cosby's ire is focused at the African-American community: its rates of juvenile delinquency, its parenting, the coarse language of its youth. You can do better, he exhorts his audiences. Don't let yourself be victims, and especially don't let the poorest in the community let themselves be victims.
"This is about little children ... and people not giving them better choices," he told Paula Zahn in an interview for CNN's "Paula Zahn Now." "Talking. Talking. Parenting. Correctly parenting. That's what it's about. And you can't blame other things. You got to -- you got to straighten up your house. Straighten up your apartment. Straighten up your child."
This is not the smiling, avuncular commercial spokesman for Jell-O and Coca-Cola. This is not the wisecracking tennis coach of "I Spy," or the jokey stand-up comedian of "Bill Cosby Is a Very Funny Fellow ... Right" and "To Russell, My Brother, Whom I Slept With," or the fast-talking guy of "Uptown Saturday Night."
This Bill Cosby is more like the man who told his TV son Theo, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it" in an early episode of "The Cosby Show."
Times 10.
And he doesn't care who knows it. Some of his critics have attacked him for airing what they see as the black community's dirty laundry in public. Others said that Cosby should also be condemning establishment institutions that, in their view, helped create the situation.
"Judgment of the people in the situation is not helpful. How can you help them is the question," said hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, founder of Def Jam Records and the Phat Farm clothing line.
Let 'em rant, Cosby says.
"Let them stay mad as long as they don't have good sense," he told Zahn. "I don't care what right-wing white people are thinking. ... How long you gonna whisper about a smallpox epidemic in your apartment building when bodies are coming out under the sheets?"
Focus on education
To get the message out, Cosby has organized and continues to organize town hall meetings in inner city communities where community leaders -- from police chiefs to district attorneys to parents to schoolteachers -- get everyone to talk about how to help give kids better choices.
Cosby first caused controversy after making a speech at a celebration of the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education, the landmark Supreme Court decision that struck down school segregation.
"People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. ... The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting," he said, addressing an audience of Washington VIPs.
"Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back. ... They are standing on the corner and they can't speak English."
A number of commentators have defended Cosby, including NAACP President Kweisi Mfume, who shared the dais with Cosby, and black newspaper columnists Clarence Page and Leonard Pitts Jr.
Cosby on "Cosby," his '90s sitcom. "The Cosby Show," his previous program, was one of the leading shows of the '80s.
"He's pissed a lot of people off," Kevin McCaskill, principal of a vocational high school in Springfield, Massachusetts, told "Paula Zahn Now." McCaskill has worked with Cosby on educational programs. "[But] he simply said this is what is occurring, what are we going to do about it, without excuses. ... It's not about Kevin McCaskill nor do I think it's about Bill Cosby. It's about what do we have to offer to make people the best they can possibly be."
Cosby has a longstanding interest in education. The actor earned a doctorate in the subject from the University of Massachusetts and has made shows, such as the Saturday morning cartoon "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids," with an emphasis on teaching. (Indeed, "Fat Albert" was the subject of his dissertation.)
The comedian is also symbolic of what he preaches. Raised in a poor Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, neighborhood, he dropped out of high school to join the Navy but later earned his diploma through a correspondence course.
He acknowledges he could push the limits as a youngster. A teacher called him "a schemer with a high IQ."
But, he told Zahn, "what kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then ... thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and that I didn't want to embarrass her, and that my father would be embarrassed, and I just didn't want to do that to my family."
He earned an athletic scholarship to the city's Temple University and worked nights as a bartender -- which is how his comedy talent was discovered.
In the 1960s, Cosby was a trailblazer. Other black comedians of the time focused their routines around race; Cosby told tales of childhood. On the other hand, Cosby was one of the first African-Americans to star in a TV series, "I Spy" -- and received equal billing with his co-star, Robert Culp, to boot. He won three Emmys for his performance in the series. His comedy LPs won Grammys.
'Make them think'
"The Cosby Show," which began in 1984 and was TV's No. 1 series for several years, cemented Cosby's status. The show didn't talk down to its audience and simply assumed the success of its black characters: Cosby's obstetrician, Dr. Cliff Huxtable; his lawyer wife, Clair; their five children and, later, grandchild; and their comfortable life in the upscale New York City neighborhood of Brooklyn Heights.
"When it came time for the Huxtables, it was off of my routines," he told CNN. "And I was watching television and I noticed that a number of television series had these little ... children who were brighter than the parents."
He wanted to change that around.
"Our children ... were never brought up to feel that comfortable that they could call the parents stupid. First of all, they're not working. They're homeless," he told Zahn with some amused exasperation. "You can't do that."
Cosby's career hasn't always run smoothly. An early '70s series, "The Bill Cosby Show," and a mid-'70s variety effort, "Cos," both tanked. He made two movies during the "Cosby Show" run, "Leonard Part 6" and "Ghost Dad," both of which failed at the box office.
There's no guarantee that his education and parenting crusade will pay off, either. As a 67-year-old multimillionaire entertainer old enough to be the crotchety grandfather of today's teens, he knows it's going to be hard to make people listen.
But he's going to try, full speed ahead.
"When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that. I mean, I'm addressing my people, period," he told CNN. "I'm telling you. I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. ... I want you to stop doing things that are detrimental to your getting at least an education with a high school credential. I'm talking to the people who are dropping out."
Even if all this means taking a hit in his popularity?
"Maya Angelou said, 'You know, Bill, you're a very nice man, but you have a big mouth,' " he said. "So I just want to be the big mouth and make them work, make them work, make ... make them think."
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Black verses Biracial Okay..baaack to the sister in law. My brothers first wife was black , but she was an olive skinned black person with straight black hair. She had a white father and her mother was black. The child my brother and her had was olive also with curly black hair. My brother is a dark, black man.
In comes the sister in law who as you know already is white. My nephew for the first 10 years of his life has always referred to himself as black and viewed himself as that. During the summer last summer he was in town and we were all sitting around --me, him, my mother --talking about school coming in the fall and filling out school forms. I cannot recall how exactly it came up but we were talking about the large percentage of biracial children and how those percentages were increasing. We were talking about what they would check when it comes to race.
The old adage in America was that if you had a drop of black blood in your veins you were black. Given changes in time that has changed some. Biracial is now on the forms today along with alot of other choices. My nephew said that he was no longer black. He had been told by my sister in law to check white or bi-racial. White!! My mother looked atme. I looked at her. I then asked my nephew why he would check white. He said it was because my sister in law told him to and they had talked about it and he could be any race he wants to check.
???? What is up with that. I think that is wrong as she is not his biological mother.
My brother has full custody and he lives with my brother and SIL.
(((OKAY sister in law is just tooo00 long to keep spelling out so I will use "SIL" from now on.)))
I think that she is confusing him about his identity as he looks black. He is not fair or a very light skinned black person. Olive is olive not creme colored. If he were very light he maybe could pass as white.
My mother asked him about biracial. He said that since he has a grandfather that is white, he can put biracial. Now that seems more plausible. It seems plausible as he has a black father and a white step mother. His coloring is the coloring of their 2 year old( my niece)...olive.
The next thing he told us was that my SIL was going to get his hair permed so that it was straight. WTF??? His hair is just fine curly. My mother and I both told my nephew not to let her do anything to his hair as it would be ruined and totally not needed! She cuts his hair now as opposed to letting him go to the barber. My brother used to take him to the barber all the time when they were still just dating and was engaged. Once they got married, she took over! Look out! She controls everything and he --my brother-- let's her control everything.
If she did not want kids with black curly hair she should not have married a black man. You can't make black kids into white ones by perming their hair or having them check white on a form!
What do yall in the blogosphere think about that?!
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